BEHIND THE UNEMPLOYMENT NUMBERS

Mortimer Zuckerman has an interesting Op Ed for the Wall Street Journal that discusses some of the problems with the way unemployment is reported and why the situation is even worse than the numbers indicate. For those of us trapped in the infernal deserts of Michigan, this is even more frightening as the state numbers are about twice as bad as the national numbers (in percentage terms). Further, even the south is not immune from this crisis. Yesterday I received word that my replacement and two of my friends had been laid off in foreclosure town. I have heard that the real estate markets have cooled again thanks to rising interest rates. However, I always thought work was foolish to lay off those that weren't lazy assholes because it's not like there are going to be any shortage of foreclosures during this depression.

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Thanks to this West Michigan desert, my hair is as tangled and dry as a tumbleweed. Fo shizzle, I needs the chop.

YES, I BUY ORGANTIC

I recently decided to descend into the fourth circle of the inferno. In a bid for savings and convenience, I shopped at Meijers. Time had no meaning to the wretched souls trapped in these eternal checkout lines. Finally, when Angela and I made it to the bearded checkout girl she started about how rich we are because we buy the "organtic milk."

Of course, I tried to explain to her about hormones, early-onset puberty, and our desire to keep them out of our baby. I might as well have tried to lecture her on the Divine Comedy. She just stared at me blankly. So I simply smiled and sheepishly looked down and studied the fur on her arms, neck, and face. It was gross.

But the lesson learned is that if you are going to shop at Meijers, do it at the odd hours so you don't have to go mad waiting on the weirdos to make bizarre chit-chat like SNL's Target Lady.

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STARFISH!

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Not everything about moving has to be a boring shame.

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And another year rolls on.

2009 NBA PREVIEW

Thanks to wives and babies, this year has felt so brief. And so does the preview...

FIRST ROUND: THE EAST
CLEVELAND OVER DETROIT IN 6

Even this is wishful thinking considering the season the Pistons had. Look for LeBron to come out and make a statement in games 1 and 2. Look for the Pistons to play good D on LeBron while shutting down the supporting cast in games 3 and 4. The media will talk about the inadequacies of Mo Williams, and the rise of the new Pistons backcourt of Stuckey and Bynum. And then 'Sheed and the Pistons crap away games 5 and 6. SERIES OVER. After all, the Pistons always lose in 6.

DWYANE WADE OVER ATLANTA IN 6

Why should we pretend that he is not going to get every call. Plus the injury to Marvin Williams should be just enough to cost the Hawks a game at Philips.

BOSTON OVER CHICAGO IN 6

Kevin Garnett may or may not be injured. But I think the Bulls have been playing well lately. Vinny Del Negro should keep his job as he was able to pull this team together and have them playing strong down the stretch. It won't be enough to bring down the defending champs, but it will be a respectable performance.

ORLANDO OVER PHILADELPHIA IN 5

Philadelphia could have ran all over the Celtics and maybe pulled off the upset (especially if Garnett is gone). However, Dwight Howard should be too much for Samuel Dalembert to handle.


FIRST ROUND: THE WEST
LAKERS OVER UTAH IN 5

Utah has really crapped the bed down the stretch. And this should be the nail in the coffin for this team, since they will not have enough room under the salary cap to resign all their free agents. While Kobe has been awesome as usual, Pau Gasol has been excellent for the Lakers. Instead of being a great player on a crappy team, he has blossomed into an excellent second banana on a great team (Tondar was wrong). When the season's over look for the Pistons to either steal Paul Millsap or Carlos Boozer from the Jazz. I hope it's Millsap, so they will probably end up with Boozer.

HOUSTON OVER PORTLAND IN 6

Of all the teams in the west, Portland would have had the best shot at beating the Lakers. Unfortunately Houston matches up quite well against the Trail Blazers. Look for Artest to shut down Brandon Roy, while Luis Scola, Kyle Lowry, Carl Landry, and Shane Battier make it difficult for the young Trail Blazers to get anything else going.

SAN ANTONIO OVER DALLAS IN 7

Tony Parker will have a huge series beating Jason Kidd time and time again. Though the Spurs will miss the flopping of the injured Manu Ginobili, Finley has always stepped up against his former team and should carry the day in the end.

DENVER OVER NEW ORLEANS IN 5

Beyond David West and Chris Paul, New Orleans doesn't have much. Look for Chauncey Billups to play Paul pretty evenly. Kenyon Martin and Nene should be able to shut down West. And this still leaves Carmello Anthony to have a huge series.

SECOND ROUND: THE EAST
LEBRON JAMES OVER DWAYNE WADE IN 5

Each superstar will get his, but LeBron has the better supporting cast. Look for more traveling than Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, and George Harrison combined.

BOSTON OVER ORLANDO IN 7

I see this series going either way. With KG "injured," Boston doesn't have an adequate answer to Dwight Howard. However, between Glen Davis, Leon Powe, and Mikkie Moore, the Celtics have 18 fouls for Hacka-Howard. Plus, I don't see Hedo Turkoglu or Rashard Lewis being able to shut down Paul Pierce. Orlando will get theirs, but I agree with Shaq and believe that Stan Van Gundy will find a way to blow the series.

SECOND ROUND: THE EAST
LAKERS OVER HOUSTON IN 6

If only it could have been the Trail Blazers. The Lakers should take care of business. Houston will try to get physical, but in the end Gasol and Kobe will get every call they need to advance.

DENVER OVER SAN ANTONIO IN 6

I know we shouldn't bet against the Spurs in an odd year. However, due to injury, I think their run is up and they will waste the last years of Duncan/Parker/Ginobili battling one injury after another. Plus, can't you see Mr. Big Shot taking this opportunity to one-up Tony Parker for the game 7 loss in the 2005 Finals?

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS
CLEVELAND OVER BOSTON IN 4

At this point the LeBrons will be a well oiled machine. And without KG to play free safety against a penetrating LeBron, it will simply be too much for Paul Pierce to handle. The games will be close, but the Cavs play too balanced and are too hungry to let Pierce and Allen beat them.

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS
LAKERS OVER DENVER IN 7

Denver doesn't really have anyone that can stop Kobe. Carmello would be the ideal matchup, but he would much rather try to beat him nailing fade-aways with a hand in his face. I think Chauncey, K-Mart, and Nene will have a good series, but in the end it won't be enough.

NBA FINALS
LEBRON OVER KOBE IN 6

This is the matchup the NBA wants. It will be a classic changing of the guard moment as LeBron wins his first championship against Kobe. While the Lakers, might have been able to win straight up, their journey through the still strong and mighty west will bruise and batter them that the physical Cavaliers should be able to dominate based on the strength of their front court.

YOUTUBE KILLED THIS BLOG

Yeah, I've been gone. Family life is gonna take any free time you have for blogging, video gaming, or drinking. Since I have a few minutes, I will dwell on the one invention that has sucked all my internetting time into a black hole of unproductivity. Yes, it's a Top Ten of the random youtubes that eat my time. Be sure to spend a day following each of these and their subsequent wormhole suggestions...

10. What is better than an English Oratorio with Italian subtitles? Yep, today is opposite day as Alison Moyet sings Belinda Take My Hand from Dido and Aeneas.

9. More Diabeetus poop than you can shake a stick at.

8. Movies galore!

7. Communist versions of public domain characters.

6. Bollywood, baby.

5. In the depth of your ignorance, you probably could not even fathom that there are drunken Orson Wells videos in the internet.

4. The embarrassing trainwrecks.

3. Living in Nashville, you can't help but get to know the roots of country music writing. And you don't do much better than the Guy Clark classic, Desperados Waiting For A Train.

2. More Trainwrecks. Barf, Beef barf.

1. We have all seen the awesome Snickers Feast commercials. But did you know there is a full version of the intro song - you know the one, about a man and his plan.

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We're going to be trying a new babysitter this weekend. Well, he seems happy about it.

NOTHING LIKE EATIN' CITY COON

We all know about the urban destruction of Detroit. Like the old Talking Heads song, Nothing But Flowers, there seems to be a post-apocalyptic feel to the city...

We caught a rattlesnake
Now we got something for dinner
we got it, we got it

Man is a clever animal and the population will adapt as the urban wasteland decays. In fact, the southern transplants there have gone back to their roots, and taken to huntin' coon...

"Starvation is cheap," he says as he prepares an afternoon lunch of barbecue coon and red pop at his west side home."

I'm not sure what the opposite of tasty would be. But as Detroit becomes more rural and the flowers, fields, and critters take over, it only makes sense that the remaining pioneers would adapt to their new surroundings.

If the city wants to revitalize itself, it should take "Nothing But Flowers" and use it as a campaign to attract hippies to their new post-urban paradise. Like Mellencamp's Chevy ad, just pay no attention to the lyrics...

If this is paradise
I wish I had a lawnmower
you've got it, you've got it

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Na, Na, Na Na, Old Hickory, GOOD BYE!

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Doesn't it suck when people use their blog as a journal to talk about their feelings of despair and inadequacy?