Tondar's Daily Rant

BEER BEER BEER

I'm not sure if you ever get the chance to browse the Tondar Archives. However, even better and more extensive are the Sports Illustrated archives from the dawn of time. This particular article on the history of beer endorsements in sports was one of the most fascinating reads I have ever encountered, and probably the biggest explanation for the decline of Bad Beer (Weidemans, PBR, Natty, Black Label, Asshouse, Red Dog, Schaefer, Hamms, Josef Hoffbauer, and Old Style).

PIC OF THE DAY

Just like this critter, I can forget getting a brush through my long flowing mane.

OLD WORK EMAIL WATCH

I was going through some old emails and stumbled upon this gem from a fatty...

Sent: Thursday, October 06, 2005 11:00 AM
To: Atlanta Office
Subject: FW: Weight Watchers

Would you like to strive to be physically fit and healthier? If your answer was yes, then join me in the media room on October 18th 2005 @ 4:00 p.m. to meet with a representative from W eight W atchers. She will be going over the AT-Work program which fits in with our busy schedules. The program is $12.00 a week, for 15 weeks. This fee includes your package and consultation once a week, and you weigh in at that time also. The one thing that differs with the AT-Work program from their many facilities , is the fee of $180.00 is due upfront. If you pay with a check, the fee can be paid in three installments of $60.00 but you must post date the checks a month in advance and let her know when to withdraw the funds. If you pay with cash, the fee of $180.00 must be paid at the first meeting. This is to assure Weight Watchers that the rep who comes out gets paid. You deserve it and wouldn't you like a new you ? I know we can get a good support group going here at MSP. Please come out and join us on this day if you are interested. If you have more questions or concerns, please contact me. Thanks

Stephanie

At the time I thought about putting them on the Tondar Plan (work-out twice as much, eat half as much). I would charge a straight up $100. Pass out personalized plans on colored paper (cuz its da bomb), and then offer daily words of negative reinforcement. I could have made a killing! But alas, I am now retired.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Ben of New York after revving Brother Ben's Harley: "I think I just grew a few hairs on my ball just now."

PIC OF THE DAY

BABY IN A BOX! BABY IN A BOX!

BEHIND THE UNEMPLOYMENT NUMBERS

Mortimer Zuckerman has an interesting Op Ed for the Wall Street Journal that discusses some of the problems with the way unemployment is reported and why the situation is even worse than the numbers indicate. For those of us trapped in the infernal deserts of Michigan, this is even more frightening as the state numbers are about twice as bad as the national numbers (in percentage terms). Further, even the south is not immune from this crisis. Yesterday I received word that my replacement and two of my friends had been laid off in foreclosure town. I have heard that the real estate markets have cooled again thanks to rising interest rates. However, I always thought work was foolish to lay off those that weren't lazy assholes because it's not like there are going to be any shortage of foreclosures during this depression.

PIC OF THE DAY

Thanks to this West Michigan desert, my hair is as tangled and dry as a tumbleweed. Fo shizzle, I needs the chop.

YES, I BUY ORGANTIC

I recently decided to descend into the fourth circle of the inferno. In a bid for savings and convenience, I shopped at Meijers. Time had no meaning to the wretched souls trapped in these eternal checkout lines. Finally, when Angela and I made it to the bearded checkout girl she started about how rich we are because we buy the "organtic milk."

Of course, I tried to explain to her about hormones, early-onset puberty, and our desire to keep them out of our baby. I might as well have tried to lecture her on the Divine Comedy. She just stared at me blankly. So I simply smiled and sheepishly looked down and studied the fur on her arms, neck, and face. It was gross.

But the lesson learned is that if you are going to shop at Meijers, do it at the odd hours so you don't have to go mad waiting on the weirdos to make bizarre chit-chat like SNL's Target Lady.